Just as a side issue: has anyone released one of their recordings (a show not in circulation, so maybe your copy is the only one), and just released it to a few die-hard collectors on a 'Not For Trade' basis. This is a complete side issue from my current issue. The reason I'm asking is because I have some shows from some bands that I've got on a not for trade basis because the taper doesn't want them circulated.
I have shows that I haven't circulated for various reasons. The artist asked me to keep it to myself, a few that include material to be on the artists' debut album not yet released, & some I just haven't gotten around to. Most have gone to friends that were there with me, but no further.
As far as shows I didn't tape, I have plenty that I won't circulate. If I'm asked to not trade it, & I agree, I keep my word. I have a number of shows from various tapers who asked me to not spread them...so I haven't. Period.
If you're going to make an exception after agreeing not to spread a show (& it's probably advisable that you not), you better be sure it'll stop with whomever you give it to. If I don't want a show to go any further, I limit it to trusted tapers, who'll understand the idea that it stops with them. A trader you don't know may figure you traded it to him, so what's the big deal if he trades it further?
Stick to your word, it'll pay off in the end. The artist will know you can be trusted, & you may reap benefits from that. Those you traded with will know you can be trusted, & you'll likely benefit from that. I traded with another local taper that filmed a solo show by the singer of a legendary punk band. He was given permission to film, but was asked not to spread it. While working out a trade, we were just talking about shows we'd taped/seen, & he mentioned that one. I was there, said I'd love that one. He explained the situation, & trusted me to sit on it. I have, and he even included a partial show he'd filmed from another band on the DVD. That show doesn't exist on a recording according to the collector sites for the band. Over time, stuff will come out (although that video is from 1993).
No need to rush to spread it when you know it'll piss off the artist. Sit on it. Wait awhile. If no release is forthcoming, ask about it. Explain the situation to those with whom you've set up trades. And when you do set up the deal with the webmaster, ask to trade for the video or his recording. Quid pro quo. Your one-of-a-kind for his. But if he balks, I'd just give it to him. Better to help out an artist you like than to chance angering or alienating him or his staff.