Gutbucket, I can pretty easily explain some of this, but then there's a part that's more difficult.
First of all, you're right that the cancellation for rear-incident sound has to work in a way that's basically independent of wavelength. Where I think you're getting confused is, you seem to assume that the cardioid pattern achieves cancellation for rear-incident sound by combining the sound energy with an equal dose of itself in opposite polarity at a single point--kind of like matter meeting anti-matter and being annihilated. But that's not what happens.
What causes the cancellation is that the acoustic chamber behind the backplate delays, attenuates and filters rear-incident sound just enough to match the effect of the longer path that the same sound takes getting around to the front of the diaphragm. And the backplate in a pressure-gradient microphone isn't entirely sealed. As a result, rear-incident sound energy reaches both sides of the diaphragm at the same time and in the same polarity--and for that reason there is no net motion of the diaphragm.
This explanation, while truthful, leaves out a couple of things that become much more important when you try to fill in the picture of how the same microphone responds to front-incident sound--especially if you consider that a delayed version of the same sound also reaches the rear sound inlets, passes through the acoustic chamber and eventually reaches the back of the diaphragm. That's a longer discussion. But I wanted to put this part of the explanation out for you, since your understanding is spot on: The delays caused by path length differences and the acoustic labyrinth are constant with respect to time, not phase.
--best regards