This volume thing is for the most part the only way a shit engineer can make anything sound "supposedly" better. Gone are the days when engineers worked with dynamics. Most of these engineers I would not let mix a cake never mind a band.
Dammit Chris! Stop giving me sig material!
Gold. Pure Gold! 
1-Man the band sounds really good in the bathroom.
2-Can I have more cowbell in the monitor please?
3-Can you go over and adjust my fan so it blows my hair back?
4-I want you to create a bubble of sound!
5-I wish there was not so many standing waves in this room thats why it sounds so bad....
6-Yeah I know its feeding back at 50 hz thanks
7-It should sound good we just had the room tuned with a "Meyer Sim"
8-The last guy made it sound better.
9-The band last week was much more quiet then you guys.
10-Does it have to be that loud?
11-Can you do sound check after dinner?
12-Can you move your sound board that's where the buffet goes.
13-You musicians are nothing but scum... * Sound man loses it and starts to put gear back on the truck * ( Me ) and Bar owner has a change of heart and says but I did not mean you guys. * Sound man starts to bring gear out of truck and back into venue *
14-We can fix it in post.
15-Would you be a better singer if we added more vocal to your reverb?
16-I would like more delay in my monitor please.
17-I really need my cow bell in the monitors please.
18-I would like you to get us coffee thanks.
19-I think you have me confused with a monitor guy.
20-Yeah guys it sounds great out front.
21-I would be honored to do sound for your high school battle of the bands!
22-I am pretty sure I backed it up.
23-Check one two three * wook says * " cant you count to four?"
24-Band asks bar owner for more beer and they get it.
25-Can you please take some of the PA out of our club your scarring our customers away.
26- Can you please give me a bit more 18k in the front wedge.
27- Of course your guitar channel is on in the house
28- Please park your tour bus beside that junkie in the alleyway thanks!
29- Oh You mean you guys cant all sleep in one room?
I have many more.
Thank you.